I Find Fibonnaci In the Green of Hyoscyamine

I tried, but I'm sorry. I don't have anything interesting to say, except that 1.) yes, I do not have a facebook anymore 2.) yes, I will probably be posting some of my writings on here for familia/amigos who want to read them 3.) yeah, I have no idea why I'm incorporating spanish into this 4.) I tried to make a card-castle.

OOH! Funny story [well, kind of]!
So, I'm sitting on the floor in front of my midget coffee table playing solitaire, and I get bored. I get so bored, in fact, that I decide to make a Bad-Ass Awesome-Sauce Coolest-Bestest-Greatestest-Constructed Card-Castle EVER, even though I hate making card castles, and have never completed one in my whole life.

Anyways, so I happened to have just watched a vlogbrothers vlog by Mr. Hank Green last month in which he explained that the best way to make a card-tower/castle/house is to...well, you'll see. It's a different method of stacking them, in which they all support each others weight rather nicely and makes it possible to reach enormous heights [if you can actually stack cards]

So, I'm reeeeeeally excited, and spend the next half hour or so trying to build this stupid castle and failing epically each time (though, every once in a while, I actually improved a little bit, and managed to get one card further before demolition happened at the hands of fate.) And the whole time I'm doing this, my mom is trying to convince me that this is not the best way to stack cards and that I should do it the traditional way, which I understand, because for some people that works [some people not being me.] -- But I tried it her way, just to see, and yes, I was right, I failed even epically-er; I didn't make it past two cards. --

What I finally managed to do was built two and a half floors, take a picture (because I knew in my heart that my lopsided, slowly-shrinking-with-each-floor-added castle was going to topple when I tried to add on to it):

<----It's beautiful, no?










and then, yes, promptly kill it all with my last two cards:

Not very exciting, but you can see my masterpiece. :) I'm so proud!!!

So yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say.


Here! Read a weird prosetry piece I wrote about pills and oxygen! Don't ask...my mind works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, I wonder about myself. I wonder if ANYONE see anything the same way I see it, because, well...Who else sees geometry in spilled medications or fireworks in the redness of your closed eyelids when you look at a lightbulb?

Whatever.

Enjoy!


I Find Fibonnaci In the Green of Hyoscyamine 

At 4:29pm, I start to hold my breath.

Fireworks explode behind my eyes; myriads of red and purple sparklers, gunpowder missiles igniting and spraying flecks of orange and gold. Silver stars crackle and burst: shimmering and flickering as they trickle to the ground; iridescent cascades of dawn and dusk and starlight.


My lungs want to break their boundaries and drown themselves in the beauty of the element: six valence electrons dancing, kissing and binding together [oh, the acid producer is flavorless, diatomic, and spiteful.] Oxygen burns my tongue and leaves my nostrils tingling. Still, my body mourns its absence; my brain cells scream for the replenishing blueness. I want to get lost in oxygen's ocean of life, to let the electron clouds smother me and the waves to toss me until I am lost beyond all hope and can simply lay, basking in a suffocating balloon of it.


I close my eyes and breathe out. My head grows light, and the world spins backwards, and I breathe in. My body won't let me die this way - I don't want to anyway. I only wish to postpone the inevitable. The less I breathe in, the sweeter life tastes.




At 4:37pm, I fumble with child-safety seals.


Pills rattle and spill onto the floor in ghostly shapes and patterns; Ibuprofen and Advil forming trapezoids and parallelograms, vitamins tumbling into puddles of ascorbic acid and niacin. I fall to the ground with them, my hands slipping from the counter, knees buckling and hitting hard linoleum. I find Fibonacci in the purple of iron and the green of hyoscyamine [little drugs put under the tongue six at a time, the bitter taste of mint lingering between my teeth, and the pain in my stomach: gone.] They color code before my eyes, jumping to each other like magnets and magic beans; pink folic acid twisting into spirals alongside phenylalanine, capsules of thiamine mononitrate rolling towards crumbling bits of vanillin: acid green blended with blue.


I cover my eyes and think of words. I twist and bend them to my bidding, hastily unfurling their roots from that horrid, bitter Greek, forcing them together like a negative and a positive [hands quaking under all the pressure,] and igniting the oxygen around me to blend their edges and create one. Grammar is too much as I chew my pencil, click my pen, and write my words in white-out; blotting out sections of Shakespeare and Green and old newspapers because blank paper is simply too daunting in my mania. Vowels grow curly tails and T's turn jagged like knives and I tear holes in my books, but I ignore it all. I cast a hand through my hair and carve verbs into sofa cushions, trying to wring sentences and paragraphs from my brain like water from a wet towel.


If I could write, then I could stop thinking...




At 4:54pm, I cry.

I cry for those missing words that have left me hollow and half-decomposed by shadows. Tears are bitter, easily shattered like dew-drops. They used to bring relief, but now they merely acid-etch my cheeks; leaving more pain than they came forth to extinguish.

At 6:59pm, I try to speak, but all that comes out are ragged pleas raw with exasperation, blackened by combustion.



At 7:10pm, I start to hold my breath. I stare into my mirror of erised and see a million choices gazing back at me.



At 7:16pm, I hold my breath. I close my eyes and listen to my heartbeat. I feel my lungs shuddering, my fingers shaking, my brain spiraling through complexities. I smell blood and asphalt and gunpowder. I taste salt tears, folic acid, and stale oxygen. I see pink spirals, red and green Fibonacci, and golden stars [fireworks exploding behind my eyes.]








At 7:21pm, I breathe in.